ZEN SARCASM

[tHEcONCH]

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

[Wok]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :bounce: :bounce:

Good one conch

[Barrie]

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

:roll: so true

[livingart]

some very good life lessons there, conch

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

i have nothing more to say as i only open my mouth to change feet

[Virgil]

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

:roll: so true

Woman always have the last word in any argument, anything you say afterward is just the beginning of a new argument.

[DantezGirl]

lol hilarious

[Cheesejawa]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Number 8 i love.

[MarkLB]

:lol: I live my life by #12 :lol:

[Tsarmina]

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those that wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.

12. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

13. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

[tinytawnykitten]

If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness