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South Auckland Jokes

SpidersWeb

By SpidersWeb
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SpidersWeb Newbie

SpidersWeb

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Sorry to you South Aucklanders, but you know how stereotypes go :) Got sent these jokes via the email, thought some might enjoy it. If you're from South Auckland just replace it in each joke with a suburb of your choosing.

>>> Q. Two South Auckland guys jump off a cliff. Who wins?

>>> A. Society.

>>>

>>>

>>> Q. What does a South Auckland girl use as protection during sex?

>>> A. A Bus shelter.

>>>

>>>

>>> Q. What do you call a South Auckland Boy in a suit?

>>> A. The defendant.

>>>

>>>

>>> Q. Why did the South Auckland guy cross the road?

>>> A. To start a fight, with a complete stranger, for no reason whatsoever.

>>>

>>>

>>> Q. What do you call a South Auckland girl in a white tracksuit?

>>> A. The bride.

>>>

>>>

>>> Q. If you are driving and you see a Bloke from South Auckland on a bike,

>>> why should you try not to hit him?

>>> A. It might be your bike.

>>>

>>>

>>> Q. What's the first question during a South Auckland quiz night?

>>> A. What you looking at?

>>>

>>>

>>> Q. Two South Auckland Blokes in a car without any music - who is

>>> driving?

>>> A. The police!

>>>

>>>

>>> Q. What do you say to a South Auckland person with a job?

>>> A. A Big Mac please.

>>>

>>>

>>> Q. What's the difference between a South Auckland boy and a South

>>> Auckland girl?

>>> A. A South Auckland girl has a higher sperm count

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purplecatfish Newbie

purplecatfish

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shows how much us South Islanders know

Just to educate those outside of Greater Auckland:

There is Westie Territory which is called Waitakere City in the news, basically it's filled with normal people who used to drive V8s until the petrol prices went through the roof.

Then there's the North Shore where people would like to be Westies. But their Dad, who's a builder, moved out of West Auckland back in the 80's and built their family home where they then grew up. You know they want to be Aucklanders cause they all try to cross the bridge every day rather than finding a job north of the bridge. Back in the 70's Westies used to holiday here as no one lived in places like Whangaparoa and Orewa.

Then there's Central Aucklanders who aren't allowed out west unless they have tattoos and a Harley as their passports. They're politely told to go back to their lattes. This is where nearly all the SUVs and 4x4's in Auckland are, they're used to drive to the dairy, the local school and create traffic jams.

Then there's East Auckland/Dannemora which is a suburb bigger than most NZ towns that has been built in the last 10 years and is still waiting for the trees to grow above roof height.

Then there's South Auckland which is highly promoted in the news in order to discourage those south of the Bombays coming into Auckland and causing all the traffic problems because they don't know where they're going.

What we don't tell the rest of NZ is that all the problems are in Manurewa and Otara, the rest of South Auckland is full of normal people who have never driven a V8. It takes approximately 1.5 hours at 100 km/hr to travel through South Auckland. Whereas it takes 1.5 hours at 30 km/hr to travel through Central Auckland.

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